Now that the bulk of the holiday season has past, I want to take a moment to reflect upon how my divorce has affected the traditions that had been established in my married family. And please, let me acknowledge in advance, that is was no small feat to negotiate and establish traditions that honored one or both of our heritages or was, at least, things we could live with. There were years of communicating and working together to establish what REALLY worked for us and although it did take some time, eventually we did find some traditions that worked for us, that we could do year after year with our kids to provide them with their very own sense of holiday and time honored traditions, establishing and cementing their roots. We negotiated Santa Claus, when to open gifts, who all we buy for, holiday family pictures, outdoor lights, putting up a tree, who decorates the tree, holiday cookies, holiday music... the list is relentless!
It was a struggle as Christmas was my number one most favored holiday of the year, especially after I became a mother. It was so full of mysticism, magic and possibility. To be able to look at Christmas through the eyes of my children filled me with a complete awe for the holiday and all the traditions associated with it. It was through the love of my children that I worked so diligently with their dad, to establish these traditions and afford them a sense of belonging to OUR family (as diverse as it was it was still ours).
And then the divorce happened to us and I was left to pick up the holiday pieces. Our traditions were smashed on the floor; some ruined beyond repair while others remained unscathed. I scavenged through the remains and found the traditions that were salvageable and I picked them up. Now I fiercely defend them, like a guardian in an attempt to afford my people some ongoing sense of security in the familiar. When the balance of their lives had been tormented and tortured with upheaval and change, and all that represented security turned to dust, the comfort in doing the same thing every single December 24th continued through this year and will continue on for as long as my kids are with me on the holidays.
And to think, listening to "Aye Aye Aye It's Christmas" by Ricky Martin while making holiday sugar cookies together, (Cassie, Justin and I) as Christmas approaches year after year, draws and binds us together, as our own, new improved version of something we knew in our past. We still have so so much to be thankful for!
