I live in San Diego with no immediate or extended family aside from my two children. The closest relatives are approximately a two hour car ride, one way, with zero traffic. Needless to say, I am kind of on my own. That wasn't always the case. There was a time when my parents were local as were my husbands parents. (Now ex-husband) We enjoyed all the benefits of having family so close especially their participation with the kids, their activities and special occasions.
So I came to realize this past President's Day that I really missed having my own family close to me. Not that it could ever be the same as my mother passed away several years ago. But, I longed for them nonetheless. My son Justin spent his two days off from school during the day with my ex-mother-in-law. Please keep in mind that she is absolutely the sweetest, nicest lady ever and she adores my children and they without question adore her.
At the end of day two, I found myself driving to her house to pick up Justin and was fighting with myself inside my head about offering her money for having watched my son. Of course I should offer, right? She did ME a favor and I am nothing to her. She spent two days of her life helping me to stay employed. On the other hand, will I offend her if I give her money? Does she consider us family still? I walked up to the door still undecided and she opened the door and without thinking I said, "Hi Mom!". She warmly smiled and invited me in, as she has always done for the entire length of my knowing her.
I surprised myself in accidentally calling her mom. By her nature, and as a part of her culture, family is a loose concept and she warmly hugged me.
Ultimately I offered her money for having watched Justin, it seemed like the right thing to do. But I wondered to myself about when you are no longer legally family, does those extended family ties become broken as well? In my divorce, I divorced her son. Does it mean I divorce the extended family as well? I would like to adopt the Filipino concept of family where neighbors, old friends and maybe ex-mother-in-laws can be a sort of extended family. At least for me, it seems to make this beautiful, very large city I live in seem just a tiny bit smaller, a tiny bit warmer and a tiny bit more accepting.
So I came to realize this past President's Day that I really missed having my own family close to me. Not that it could ever be the same as my mother passed away several years ago. But, I longed for them nonetheless. My son Justin spent his two days off from school during the day with my ex-mother-in-law. Please keep in mind that she is absolutely the sweetest, nicest lady ever and she adores my children and they without question adore her.
At the end of day two, I found myself driving to her house to pick up Justin and was fighting with myself inside my head about offering her money for having watched my son. Of course I should offer, right? She did ME a favor and I am nothing to her. She spent two days of her life helping me to stay employed. On the other hand, will I offend her if I give her money? Does she consider us family still? I walked up to the door still undecided and she opened the door and without thinking I said, "Hi Mom!". She warmly smiled and invited me in, as she has always done for the entire length of my knowing her.
I surprised myself in accidentally calling her mom. By her nature, and as a part of her culture, family is a loose concept and she warmly hugged me.
Ultimately I offered her money for having watched Justin, it seemed like the right thing to do. But I wondered to myself about when you are no longer legally family, does those extended family ties become broken as well? In my divorce, I divorced her son. Does it mean I divorce the extended family as well? I would like to adopt the Filipino concept of family where neighbors, old friends and maybe ex-mother-in-laws can be a sort of extended family. At least for me, it seems to make this beautiful, very large city I live in seem just a tiny bit smaller, a tiny bit warmer and a tiny bit more accepting.
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